Wednesday, January 20, 2010

do you know what its like?

to drive from the center of long island ny, to orient point (the furthest tip of the north fork), to new york city, back to orient point and then back home? No? .. ok come with me,... and ill tell you...

first, i must admit driving out to orient this morning was pretty relaxing. The sun was coming up, the lights were green, people were waving, and then BAM!!! this car in front of me hits black ice or something,...maybe he had some unfortunate bowel movement from possibly eating low grade sushi or something? i dont know, but whatever it was, black ice or bad sushi,... things were not rolling well for this person... so now im stopped in traffice having witnessed an accident, nobody was hurt i dont think...just a car spinning off the road and a fender bender in front...

to my surprise, reinforcements arrived within 2 minutes and the road was instantaneously closed? all for a spinning car. really? and it just so happened that they let everyone else in front of me through, and decided to detour me off to a southern route...i tried to explain, that i had someplace to be, but it was like trying to order chinese food over the telephone...very difficult and nobody understands you, so i thanked him for being such a great traffic controller with as much sarcasm as i could deal out... and headed off the road.

ok so now im late, driving in the wrong direction, frustrated and pissed at the once beautiful sunrise, causing me to squint as i try to find sunglasses. my speed increases as i roll through little farm towns out to the east end... people are throwing their arms in the air, every traffic light is now intentionally red..or so it seems, and i think i got the finger from an old lady standing at a crosswalk.

making it to the ferry at orient point without running anything over was a feat in itself, AND i made it on time as if nothing happened. my co-pilot whom i was picking up made the ride enjoyable into the city and we missed most of the rush hour traffic arriving at our destination. after doin some biz, we grabbed a suhweeeet lunch at this was incredible.. fried chicken, rice and beans, tamales, empinadas, etc... i felt like someone jacked up my stomach with a bicycle pump...and then to top it off we had some tasty joya soda...there was so much sugar in it I felt like maybe i might slip into a coma right then and there...

Now,... just as things were going well for us, our trip back towards eastern long island started off with the biggest, and i mean biggest load of birdcrap landing on my windshield. someone must have fed a seagull and entire happy meal, and i had to stop at a gas station because i was shockingly out of fluid for the windshield ...could you believe it???...the wipers are now turning my vision into a white/brown/green camoflauge fecesfilm,(gross, im sorry,...but the truth) and im laughing uncontrollably like a maniac at this point.

so we make it out to the open road away from bird harboring buildings and i begin to bob and weave my way through traffic. the grand cherokee is agile and strong, provoking a few near collisons but we saw our way through them...white knuckles and all, laughing and making comments like in the movie talledega nights with will farrell...

at long last, we arrive out east to find that the entire town is closed for the winter season... imagine that? ... like in the movies when people would travel to some east bumfingle town... signs would read something like ... "closed for flu" ... well, i was there today...cold, hungry and thirsty.

1. dont drive the length of long island 4 times in one day.
2. make sure to carry a paintball gun for any traffic officials who might inconvenience you.
3. fill your car with windshield washer fluid.
4. plan to eat before you leave civilization

on to thursday :)

which i will start off with a preparation for what may be, or perhaps to destress from today... lata!


  1. Haha omgosh! I hate days like that; I didn't have high hopes for today with the way this morning started off but it is slowly becoming more enjoyable :-p Hope today is better for you!

  2. Nightmare. On a positive note though, I suppose at least you gave your car a good run out... :-)

    Kate x